It is Friday morning and Angie has been fighting boredom for the last few days. After successfully checking and answering all her emails, she looked at her surroundings, and for the first time in 18 months, she felt like she needed a change of scenery in her home-office. The silence in that room bothered her immensely. The very few pieces of furniture reminded her that it was probably time to explore furniture options and to get herself something more comfortable. But then again, she thought that it would be better to wait before making such big purchases.
Something in her was changing. She wanted more: More challenges, more work, more meaningful relationships, more opportunities for growth, more interactions, more friends, more interesting conversations, more meaningful tasks, more inspiration, more knowledge, more role models, more learning, more development, more feedback – any feedback… simply more life. She wanted to be seen, heard, and rewarded for her work. She wanted to exist for someone, something, somewhere. She wanted to know and feel that she matters, that her work matters, that her existence matters, that she is needed, loved, cherished, and inspiring.
She was told over and over again for the last 4 years, that people would give a limb to be where she currently is. Yet, all that she had, seemed pale compared to what she really wanted.
Over time, especially before she left her home country, she never dared to ask for what she wanted. For more than 5 years before she left, she was preoccupied with surviving so she couldn’t dream, plan, or even set goals.
Survival mode is very hard to grasp for those who have never encountered it. Having to live day by day not knowing what the near future entails is what constitutes survival mode. It is aiming to meet your basic needs of food, water, shelter, and safety on a daily basis. When you are stuck at the first level of needs as illustrated in Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, it is hard to aim any higher – not that you don’t want to aim any higher, it is simply that you don’t have the capacity to do so.
And this morning, Angie felt the need to change something. She was tired of complaining but she still wasn’t able to embrace it all and to show appreciation and gratitude for everything and anything. You see, it is hard to turn your left cheek to those who harmed you – no matter how emotionally intelligent you are, no matter how aware you are, and not matter how forgiving you want to be. It is hard to put yourself in the shoes of those who looked down on you, who discriminated against you, who didn’t provide you with any meaningful work or feedback, and who simply ignored you.
A few days ago, when she was on vacation, all this work-related stress didn’t seem to matter. At times, it even felt and seemed trivial, but today starring at her computer screen and listening to the unbearable silence, all the unuttered frustrations of the last two years she spent in that organization, surfaced again…
Thank you for reading.
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