You want a story, here is a story. You will excuse me if in this post, I don’t think about you and your needs but I concentrate on other trivial matters that I have been taught over the years to ignore, suppress, and omit…
I do hope you will understand when I forget to limit myself to those clear, straightforward, short sentences and I immerse myself in my own style of long detailed sentences where I do my best to keep you in mind while daydreaming and… dreaming. Speaking of dreams, I haven’t been dreaming lately. In fact, I have been in survival mode for such a long time that while I moved all my energy to stay afloat, I haven’t been able to do anything else… and you know what? I am sick of surviving, I just want to live. I want to dream big dreams and I want to go out there and realize them. I don’t want to live in anyone’s shadows anymore. I want to create my own rules and lead the life I want to live.
You cannot imagine how hard it is to simply forget the past and let it all go, knowing that deep down I am far away from a few people who hurt me so much in the past and who could not hurt me anymore unless I let the memories disturb me.
It is strange how a traumatizing experience can hinder someone from writing, feeling, thinking, and being. I wonder what I need to do to simply overcome that experience. Who do I need to talk to forget those who hurt me? And most importantly, how do I talk about this traumatizing experience without badmouthing a previous employer? Maybe it is about time to forgo that stupid advice and find a friend to confide in, someone who would listen without judging and who would offer a shoulder to cry on.
And you know something, I read in Oprah Winfrey’s book a passage that I liked a lot. She wrote: If you were given the chance to dance or to watch, I hope you will choose to dance. I want to understand this advice as: If you were offered the chance to ask and to learn or to watch and observe, I hope you will choose to ask and ask and ask. In my opinion, it is 1000 times better to be remembered as the person who asks too many questions.
It is weird how we can never forget certain dates as if they are imprinted in our memory. It is weird how we navigate around certain signposts in our lives while keeping our distance, observing, and trying not to get too attached to certain things.
I cannot believe that it has been months since I wrote anything on this blog. Not a single word. Not a single post. Nothing. Nada. Nothing at all. It is as if I totally forgot who I am after my father’s death on February 20, my first approval for immigration on February 22, my submission of my completed file for immigration on March 22, and my departure to Canada on October 17. It is weird how time flies… Shall we try again? Shall we turn the page and start a new chapter?
Would you read my posts? Would you comment on my words and thoughts? Would you look forward to the next post, the next adventure, the next story, and the next challenge? Would you be there?
Thank you for reading.