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– “Allo…” Angie heard her voice echoing. “Allo” she heard herself repeating. “Allo, can you hear me”.

He cleared his throat and answered, “Yes Angie. I can hear you. I am here. How are you? What is going on?”

– “Nothing”, Angie answered, “I am just calling to say hi”

* “Hi”, he answered back, “you are not used to calling me at this time of the day, what is going on?”

– “Nothing, I just missed you, how are you?”

* “I missed you too. I am ok, I am still at work”

– “How is work?” Angie asked, to run away from the thoughts running in her head and especially to kill time.

She heard him without listening to what he was saying. She wanted to tell him about the pain she was feeling in her neck and in her shoulders. She wanted to tell him about her long day at work. She wanted to tell him how things are becoming more and more difficult lately. She wanted to ask him to hug her tight so she would know how important he is to her and how important she is to him. She wanted to tell him that beyond his smile nothing really matters, she wanted to say that life is too short and distance is killing her. She wanted to tell him that she missed his smile and his words, and she also wanted to tell him how much she loved him. She wanted to tell him about her life in this office and at the Beautiful University and how she feels about no being able to move any faster. She wanted to tell him that things had stopped evolving where she is, that she keeps facing walls (or speed bumps). She wanted to tell him that she is aware that walls exist only to show us how badly we want things, but she also wanted to scream that enough is enough. She wanted to tell him that she is stuck somewhere, and that no matter what she does she can’t move. She wanted to tell him that things are taken ages and that life is too short. She wanted to tell him that she wants to soar but all she can do is just…walk or crawl. She wanted to tell him that walking and crawling are both good, but that she wants something else. She wanted to tell him that things on the outside world are changing but not in her current spot. She wanted to tell him that she has been in her comfort zone for too long, and that she really misses moving to her panic zone and most importantly to her stretching zone. She wanted to tell him that she wanted to spread her wings, but she wasn’t sure that she is ready to fly or even can fly. She wanted to tell him that her life is empty and void. She wanted to tell him that she has no direction in her life, no goal, nothing… just a full-time job with plenty of benefits that isn’t fulfilling her. She wanted to tell him that, yes, she is counting her blessings, but right now, the world is scrolling down at her feet and that she feels like burying herself underground.

She wanted to tell him that she can’t seem to find a goal and that the following made such an impact on her that she doesn’t know what to say:

“What’s the point of goals? 

Well, whenever you want to go somewhere in your car, you 
1. Decide where you want to go
2. Figure out how to get there3. Get in your car and go

There may be construction, or traffic, or rain or snow, but you know that you’re heading in the right direction, so you keep on going. 

Sooner or later than you first thought, you get there!

The same is true for life. In your health, relationships, career or job, decide if you’re happy or not. 

If not, then, 

1. Decide what you would like things to look like instead
2. Research things on google, talk to friends who have more of what you’d like, read books by people who’ve achieved these goals….get an idea of what you’d need to do to make it happen.
3. Do it! Move in the direction of your goals. Do something, anything, every single day. 

You may encounter setbacks, you may find a lot of people want to do the same things, and some days you may feel like just giving up. 

But keep going!” (By Doe Zantamata)

She wanted to tell him that she wasn’t sure that she was on the right track. She wanted to tell him that since she has no destination, any road will do, and therefore any job will do. She wanted to tell him that this is not how she wants to look at her days, years from now. She wanted to tell him that there must be something else out there, she would be able to do, something that would make her happy and alive…. something that would give her a reason to wake up in the morning, to go the extra mile, to work, to smile, to improve, to grow mentally and emotionally. She wanted to tell him that she has been thinking about the dreadful question: “where do you see yourself in 5 years? ” for a while now, and guess what, she still can’t see herself anywhere, not even in her current job. She wanted to tell him that she can’t decide what she wants, because probably she doesn’t want anything, but she was afraid he would tell her that: “it can’t be, you should want something from this life.”

Thank you for reading. Please feel free to comment and share. This post is by Zeina Gabriel, except the paragraph in italics which is by Doe Zantamata. 

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