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She has been like that for 5 days now. It seems like Angie is repeating the same day over and over again. Everyday is almost the same thing: wake up, go to work, return home, eat, go to the gym and watch TV before sleeping. What I didn’t mention in the above list, is, that she is angry most of the time when she is in the office, and … outside the office. She can’t explain what is happening. She can’t seem to figure out this sudden rage that is eaten her from the inside. She can’t understand why suddenly it is impossible for her to return to the previous “stupid moments” that she used to spend in this office pretending that : Yes, she is doing something meaningful and important and fulfilling and interesting . (I placed “stupid moments” between quotation marks because it is arguable whether those moments are  stupid as she thinks they are now, or innocent as other people might see them or even normal for any person looking at things from the outside). It has been a while since she simply can’t stand it anymore. She can’t seem to convince herself to walk to the office, or to enter the building or to sit on her chair and to pretend that she is doing something important when she actually isn’t. The storm is here, it is staying, it doesn’t seem that anything is changing or going to change any soon.

Let me open a long-short parenthesis to describe to you how it is in the office she works in. Let me explain it from her point of view. I am sure that you would argue that : “no, it can’t be” and that she is “being a drama queen” and that “no, such behavior can’t happen in the Beautiful University of Heaven” and that “it is her fault, she needs to change her attitude, and try something like “positive thinking” and that “she needs to be more outgoing and that she needs to speak and smile and talk” (damn it!) -to use the words of her boss- and that “she should be grateful and thankful for the job and “career” she has, she should feel lucky because other people don’t even have a job”. And why don’t we also add one of the most disgusting sentences that Angie has ever heard: “that her problems are nothing (please underline this word, highlight it, enlarge it, change the font and put it in bold) compared to other’s peoples problems”. If this reason alone can’t diminish any reasonable well grounded person, what can? If this reason alone can’t kill the seed of self confidence that was about to germinate, what can? Why does she hate that last statement? Because a person can’t grow if he/she doesn’t feel important, and if his/her problems aren’t important, what is important then? If one’s thoughts, emotions and ideas aren’t important, what is important then? What on earth does important mean? (I will explain the meaning of this word one day when things calm down again)

* So what is going on with this girl?

– Which version do you want? The rosy one? The nice one? The ugly one? The sad one? The long one? The short one? The one that summarizes everything in one sentence (or even in one word)? Or do you have time for a long detailed well explained easy to grasp version?

(By Zeina Gabriel)

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