And then suddenly, everything that was said or discussed or written was just words. She was there in the meeting, and people were talking and talking. She tried to listen but she couldn’t, she tried to look at the people and grasp the meaning of the words they were saying but she couldn’t. Words remained words. And she was present and absent at the same time, i.e her body was there but her mind was wandering elsewhere. She knew that she would hate herself afterwards, she knew that whatever she is going to say won’t make any sense.
The voices in her head were arguing loudly, very loudly. They were making such a fuss about some minor – major issue that she couldn’t take it anymore. (Ummm… I am sure that you are probably wondering how an issue can be minor and major at the same time? And I am also sure that you’ve probably thought that I made a mistake when I wrote about this issue. Well, don’t worry, you are not mistaken. Since everything is relative, something may appear minor for someone and it also might appear major for someone else. It all depends on the degree of awareness of each person to each cause. Let me give you an example to help you grasp what I mean. Let us say that you have been reading about birds, that you also have been talking about birds, and above all you think that you have some experience with birds, when you see a documentary about birds, you follow it enthusiastically and you even learn the vocabulary of birds and everything related to birds. On the other hand, let us say that you meet with someone who knows some general things about birds, you talk to him (her) about certain issues related to birds and he (she) might argue or discuss with you certain things, and because you know so many things about the topic, you know that certain things are right and others are wrong, he (or she) on the other hand can’t distinguish between good or bad, right or wrong, because he (or she) simply isn’t aware of these things, for him (or for her) everything regarding birds is almost the same thing. So for you there is a major difference between this bird and that bird but for the other person they are all birds… See what I mean ?
So let us get back to Angie … What is happening with this girl? Why is she becoming an observer all of a sudden? And why does she feel that everything that is being said or written or discussed is nothing more than empty words? Why suddenly she feels that she is watching a play that she can participate in or observe or take a break or ignore or freak out or run away?
Never mind… I am sorry about all that. I am sure you have no idea what I am talking about. Angie’s feelings today are somehow similar to the movie “the Matrix”.
Happy New Year 🙂
(By Zeina Gabriel)