Alone on one of her favorite benches at the beautiful university of Heaven (BUH), Angie turned her computer on, and started typing. She wrote:
“And here I am in this restaurant, trying to pull myself together, telling myself that everything is going to be just fine. I don’t understand this sudden sadness, I don’t see why I have tears in my eyes and I definitely can’t understand why without any prior notice I feel like running away…
For sure you won’t read this.. .post… e-mail, whatever it is. For sure, this is probably the last time I write with you in my mind. Would I ever be able to write to anyone else? Are you a muse for me? Or just some illusion I created to start feeling better? Can’t I keep the idea of you with me for a bit longer? I know that you are far away, I always knew that I never had a chance with you. I always knew that you are in my life for a reason. You don’t know how much I wish you’d be in my life for a little bit longer. You can’t imagine how many times I wished you’d be here for a season (at least)…
I should stop feeling bad … I should pull myself together.
Today, was another day at the office. I know that I shouldn’t label my days; I shouldn’t either label people, events, things or anything. I know that I shouldn’t have any expectations. But I also still wonder what does expectation mean and why we can’t have expectations.
I am back to the campus and I am sitting on one of my favorite benches, on my laptop screen I can see my reflection. I feel ugly and fat. I wish I could do something about it.
Today is the last day of my “summer”. Today is the last day for this year where I finish work at 3:00 PM and spend the afternoon alone daydreaming, reading, and doing all the things that I enjoy doing while waiting to see you… The weather is good here… it is windy… and the sky is blue with some clouds…
See how easy it is to write when I have you in mind. I wish things were as easy as writing to you. I wish I could write about things, knowing deep inside that a large number of people will read about them, as easily as I could write to you.
Thank you for everything. I wish you a wonderful peaceful life.”
(By Zeina Gabriel)